THE TOP 5 THINGS...
...you WON'T see me wearing at the ACFW conference.
It all started when I called for my annual--yes, annual--hair appointment and found out that my stylist of several years left the business. I'm still mourning. Anyhoo, today I picked up a magazine that touted the latest and greatest hair and fashion trends. I need the help.
Unlike a lot of women, I didn't leaf through the pages saying, "Oh, oh, oh--I have to get that!" In fact, I saw very little that I'd actually wear in public, or in private for that matter. Instead what I caught myself saying was, "Yikes! Who thought that was a good idea?! Oy!"
So I compiled The List of things I won't be purchasing, wearing, or using anytime in the near future:
The feather skirt. An interesting concept gone bad. I'm no expert, but c'mon--feathers? I could just see myself molting at the dinner table.
The bandage dress. Despite the fact that this picture came out tiny (and in real life the dress is probably still tiny) you get the idea, which is inspired by the mummy-motif. You'd probably have to be a size 0 to wear this, and I'm most definitely not.
This is battery-powered vibrating mascara. No--really! Let's get to the obvious: this is a lawsuit in the making because someone is going to poke an eye out. Especially if they apply makeup before fully caffeinated.
The cutout bootie. Since I'm not a fashionista I could be totally off, but this is ugly. My advice (probably useless, I know) is to either buy a spiked heel, or a boot with laces--not a combo. This is the footwear version of the El Camino.
And the #1 thing I won't be wearing to conference?
Are you ready for this?
THE PADDED BUTT SHAPER.......because I just don't need the help.
Yes, mock me all you will, but I'm sticking to my plain Jane capris and knit tops. I'll wear a woven top if I'm feeling a little daring. And I still haven't spotted a hairstyle that suits me, nor have I found a new stylist. That said, at the conference I'll be the one who dresses like a housewife and has long, frizzy hair. I say this so you'll recognize me right away and come give me a hug =)
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